Good evening, all.
While our living arrangement has been excellent in general, there are a few minor issues that we wish to bring to your attention. They are as follows:
Firstly, we would like to address the individual who has been conducting experiments in hydrodynamics in the kitchen. While this seems to be a laudable pursuit of itself, the Flying Fellini Sisters have asked that we remind all of you that the older, grouchier cats are seldom amused or entertained by being splashed with the contents of your water bowl.
Judging from the number of broken threads that the Tall Lady has found on the warp of her loom project, it appears that several of you have been playing Tarzan again. She would like you to desist from this practice forthwith. She also requests the immediate return of her yarn bag and knitting needles - no questions will be asked.
You are also asked to refrain from making kissy marks on the Fat Bastard's camera lenses, and to return all missing laundry items in the clean and folded condition in which they were found.
Finally, we have noted that some four-footed, furry felon has recently soiled the bathroom scale. While this may be a justifiable criticism of the instrument's accuracy, it is not an acceptable avenue of commentary.
Thank you all for your attention and co-operation,