Tuesday, October 26, 2010

No Smoke

At six o'clock every morning (exactly at six...) six howling cats jump onto our bed, pointing at their little wristwatches. Six am is time for First Breakfast, and our poor, starving waifs wouldn't want anyone to forget it. After I've served the VIP's, and ensured that their feeding frenzy is slightly less frenetic, I'm allowed to get on with my day. That means I can make my morning pitstop (if the Tall Lady hasn't jumped the queue), put my pot of coffee on and then go out onto the balcony for my first cigarette of the day. On Saturday, I only had one left in my pack.

Now, the corner store is about three blocks away, and opens at 8:30, but there's a supermarket about two blocks in the other direction that's open twenty-four hours a day...it was at that point that I became aware, to my horror, that I was already worrying about my next cigarette, even though I hadn't lit this one yet!

I smoked my cigarette, and studied the puzzle a few minutes longer. Then I brought my ashtray into the apartment, washed it, wiped it dry and put it into my Not Wanted on the Voyage trunk.

People who've never smoked, or those who have managed to quit for a whole week will tell you that there's nothing to it. It just takes willpower. Stay the course, stick with the program, and in no time, your life will be exactly like the happy bits of a Disney movie. Then there are the social smokers, the clever dicks who can fire one up at a party every six months or so just to show how naughty they are...I HATE SOCIAL SMOKERS! They don't see a problem either.

The fact of the matter is that this hurts! I've quit smoking a half dozen times, and it never gets easy. Right now, my head is pounding, every joint in my body is aching and there are little, nasty ants biting me in places that I can't reach.

The little tosser at the back of the room with the unctuous smirk has raised his hand, and would like to ask, "knowing all of this, why did you start smoking again?" The easy and simple answer is "go @#%& yourself!"

For today, that's the best I've got. Any advice is welcome, and suggestions will be considered - just, please don't scold.

Oh yeah - wish me luck this time.


  1. I believe there is a statistic out there that says most people try to quit 6-10 times. When I tried quitting we were told to NEVER feel bad if you don't quit, just try again later when you feel like you want to.

    Remember, you will Quit when YOU are ready, NOT anyone else. I was also told that if you are given an ultimatum it just adds more stress, but if you quit because you had to.....it will only make you angry, and you might blame that person.

    Anyway, good luck and I hope you succeed no matter what you do. :) Take care. Monique

  2. I have been smoke-free for almost three years -- You can welcome this into your life. You are not giving anything up at all: you are accepting fresh air, and new perspectives. Be proud of your achievement and celebrate each hour each day smoke-free. Plus, drink a lot of HOT drinks (!) Also, you might want to check out Allen Carr's book -- he frames the project in a positive way.

    All the best on your new journey. I am so happy for you. Just say nope -- Not One Puff Ever.

  3. Thanks both. Very different advice from the two of you, but that's okay - I'll take whatever works. Saturday and Sunday weren't too bad. I guess I was still firmly in charge of the Moral High Ground. The last few days have been shakier, but I've got good support. Some of it comes from smokers who want me to make it. Thanks again.